"We were treated like criminals," Alice told me, her voice trembling. She and her partner, John, had been some of the most dedicated and loving foster carers I’d ever met. Their home was filled with laughter, warmth, and stability—a safe haven for children who had already experienced far too much upheaval.
And yet, here they were. Broken. Defeated. Devastated.
Alice explained that a young boy in their care had made a false accusation—he said one of them had kicked him. It wasn’t true, and they knew it. But the agency had to follow its protocols. An investigation was launched, the child was removed, and Alice and John were left to endure a process that felt more like punishment than protection.
I couldn’t stop thinking: How could this happen to carers who had given so much?
The truth is, accusations happen in foster care. Children navigating trauma and instability sometimes express their pain in unpredictable ways. While agencies must investigate any claims to ensure child safety, the process often leaves carers feeling guilty until proven innocent. Their reputations, their placements, and even their sense of identity can be left in tatters—regardless of the outcome.
By the time Alice finished sharing her story, she said something that stuck with me:
"I would never recommend being a foster carer."
It broke my heart. Because I could feel her pain. I could understand why she’d say it. And yet, I also found myself asking, but what about the kids? The ones who need stable, loving homes like the one Alice and John created. Surely, we can do better for both.
The current system doesn’t work. Not for carers. Not for kids. Agencies need to protect children—but they must also protect the carers who open their hearts and homes. We can’t afford to lose good carers to burnout, fear, or mistreatment.
That’s why I'm working on change with the non-profit I've founded.
We’re building support systems for carers navigating accusations and advocating for more balanced, trauma-informed processes. Because foster carers deserve to feel seen, supported, and respected—especially when the system they're part of turns against them.
This work matters. Because when carers feel supported, more children get to grow up in safe, stable homes.
Love always,
Dani :)
