Is Reunification Really Always the Goal?

I’m going to offend a lot of people with this post.

“Reunification is the goal of foster care. Period,” I hear this over and over again in the foster care world.

People say this ALL the time, and it bothers me every time.

I disagree.

When people say that, I think:

“But what if reunification isn’t always what’s best?”
“What happens when children wait years, caught in limbo?”
”What about the thousands of children needing a forever home, not with family?”

This is not because I’m against reunification—I’m not. I believe in restoration, healing, and giving families every opportunity to safely come back together. But I also believe in being honest about what’s actually happening in the system and the lives of the children we care for.

Because the truth is: reunification isn’t always the goal.
And when we act like it is, we risk trapping children in limbo, clinging to an ideal that doesn’t match reality.

Some parents, despite support and intervention, are not able to safely care for their children. And if there’s no honest assessment—no clear cut-off—kids can spend years bouncing between temporary placements, carrying wounds that deepen over time.

Foster care should be about what’s best for the child. And sometimes, that is reunification. But sometimes, it’s not.

It’s a disservice to children when we make reunification the only goal and ignore the fact that many kids need permanency in another form—a forever home, legal guardianship, long-term care with a stable carer. The child’s right to safety and stability must come before the system’s loyalty to reunification at all costs.

So no, I’m not a bad person for being bothered by that rigid narrative.
I’m bothered because I care.
Because I’ve seen the damage that can happen when the system waits too long.
Because I’ve held children while they cry for parents who can’t show up.
Because I’ve loved children as if they were my own, only to watch decisions made that feel more political than protective.

We need a more balanced conversation.

Let’s stop saying “reunification. Period.”
And start saying:
“The goal is the child’s best interest—whatever that may be.”

Love always,

Dani :)