The Loneliest Job No One Talks About

Being a Foster Carer Can Be a Lonely Gig

Most people just don’t get it.
No judgement—it’s just the reality.

We live in a different world, us foster carers.
 People say things like, “You’re amazing,” or “You guys are angels.”
 But we’re not.
 We’re really not.

Because once those kids walk through your door, it stops being about you.
Sure, some days you wish it could be. But in the quiet moments, you're brought back to the child in front of you—the one whose eyes are silently asking, “Will someone finally see me?”

The system doesn’t see them.
 The agencies don’t really see them.
 Policies are written in boardrooms that have never heard their laughter or seen their nightmares.
 Even the magistrate who decides their future might never truly see them.
 To most, they’re just a name on a file.

But we see them.

We see them arrive with nothing but the clothes they’re wearing.
 We feel their fear when they can’t sleep through the night.
 We sit beside them in the emergency room, hoping for good news.
 We hold space for their rage, their grief, their confusion.
 And often, we do it all while feeling completely invisible ourselves.

Sometimes, we stay in the background on purpose—hoping that even if no one else sees us, that child will feel our presence and know they were safe… and loved.

This week I spoke with several foster carers.
 Their stories were different, but the heartache was the same.
 They felt unseen, unheard, stretched thin—with one desperate, unified cry:
 “This isn’t okay.”

And they’re right.
 What’s happening in our foster care system is not okay.
 It’s hurting kids.
 It’s burning out carers.
 It’s tearing families apart.

I know this post might sound heavy, but if you’ve been in it—you know.
 This system is broken.

When I tell people what we do, they often nod politely, then change the subject.
 I get it.
 Brokenness is hard to sit with.
 It’s easier to look away than to lean in.

But I can’t look away anymore.
I’ve heard too many gut-wrenching stories.
I’ve seen too many kids slip through the cracks.

The need is urgent. The time is now.
Children need us to step up.
Carers need us to step in.

I don’t have all the answers.
But maybe—just maybe—if enough of us speak up, show up, and link arms…
We can change this.

I’m not giving up.
Will you?

Love always,

Dani xx